Conan the Barbarian

Robert E. Howard’s sword and sorcery tales were already perfectly well served by the 1982 film, thanks to the primal efficiency of its storytelling, its iconic imagery, a brilliant score and the imposing performance by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This new iteration of the adventures of the Cimmerian warrior, here portrayed by Hawaiian male model Jason Momoa, is not only pointless but also brutally boring, even though it’s filled with bloody action.

Blame the bombastic style of director Marcus Nispel (the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Friday the 13th” remakes), the muddled plot, the tacky art direction, the lame villains (a hammy Stephen Lang and an embarrassingly bad Rose McGowan).

Only the early scenes with Ron Pearlman as Conan’s father are somewhat engaging.