National Security


Is there anything worse than a Martin Lawrence movie? I simply can’t stand the dumb, rude, loud Black moron always accusing everyone of racism for no reason Lawrence plays in every movie. His character gets mad in the film when a stock villain calls him a monkey, but damn, Martin! Stop monkeying around and maybe people will respect you!

Every single moment of “National Security” is either stupid, offensive, derivative or a combination of the three. Oh, it’s probably the first film which attempts to build a wacky buddy-cops action comedy by pairing an angry LAPD ex-cop (Steve Zahn) and the obnoxious Black security guard (Lawrence, natch) he’s been convicted of beating to death, but is that kind of “originality” a good thing? Tee hee, police brutality, that’s comic gold! And that’s not all the exciting plot twists this crapsterpiece has to offer. See, Zahn’s old partner was killed in duty, and now cracking the case and finding the killers becomes personal for Zahn. But in the meantime he’s thrown out of the force and he must take justice into his own hands… But not without the help of the ignorant Negro he hates but will grow to care about. And get this, it turns out that some of the policemen are on the take! Dirty cops, who could have seen that coming? If screenwriters Jay Scherick and David Ronn are reading, know this: you, sirs, are geniuses.

“National Security” possesses everything which makes cinema so great: blatant product placement (notably a scene taking place in a warehouse full of Coke products), endless plot holes, unfunny slapstick, one-dimensional stereotypes passing as characters, generic chases, abrasive performances, boring shoot-outs… The fun never stops! “National Security” is to comedies what being gang-raped by racist cops is to upholding the law. Don’t miss it!