The SHARKNADO Saga

Sharknado (2013, Anthony C. Ferrante) 45
[ It’s a tornado… filled with sharks! So there are not only bloody shark attacks in the water; sharks are also blown on shore and in the streets and into buildings…  So it’s not just a shark movie, it’s a full-on disaster movie, with endless wind and water hitting L.A….  None of it is very well made but, if anything, the action pretty much never stops. It’s all intense weather, sharks eating people and people fighting back with shotguns and chainsaws. That, and sucky acting (hello, Tara Reid!). A fun time at the (B) movies.  ]

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014, Anthony C. Ferrante) 32
[ Barely a year after the original, here’s a sequel to the instant cult classic TV movie about, well, a tornado filled with sharks. Now, that first movie wasn’t even particularly good, but at least it had an amusingly improbable premise. “The Second One”, as it’s so inelegantly titled, can’t help but feel like a rehash and a cash-grab. It’s still vaguely enjoyable as a B-movie filled with CGI gore, silliness and celebrity cameos. But at this point, the inevitable “Sharknado 3” seems totally pointless. Then again, I’ll probably still watch it! ]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015, Anthony C. Ferrante) 35
[ Here we go again… Another intentionally ridiculous B-movie starring has-beens (Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Mark McGrath, David Hasselhoff, Bo Derek, Frankie Muniz), with plenty of bloody CGI sharks. It starts out promisingly with the total destruction of Washington, D.C. by a sharknado (what else?), but then, it gets bogged down by boring exposition and blatant product placement, including a long Universal Orlando infomercial. There are still a bunch of sharks dropping from the sky, eating people and getting blown up, shot or chainsawed, but three movies in, it has lost a lot of its impact. Then again, the “Sharks… in… space” climax is pretty insane! ]

Sharknado: The Fourth Awakens (2016, Anthony C. Ferrante) 37
[ There’s a moment late into this fourth “Sharknado” in four years where Ian Ziering is in a Mech suit and Tara Reid is a Terminator/Iron Man-style robot, and they’re flying over Niagara Falls to get to a quantum box or something… And you know what, for that brief moment, it got just exquisitely silly enough for me to enjoy it. Otherwise, it’s more of the same: disaster porn, celebrity cameos, dumb references (often merely repeating famous movie quotes), CGI gore and yes, tornadoes of sharks. I hope we’re not supposed to care about these characters and all their kids, but hey, it’s on Netflix, and it’s watchable enough. ]

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017, Anthony C. Ferrante) 36
[ Often, I figure I should stop watching these dumbass movies every year, but then there are always some moments here and there that make me smile or downright laugh out loud. This fifth episode is a whole lotta noise and nonsense, starting with an “Indiana Jones” homage and working its way to a rip-off of the “Back to the Future” ending, all the while destroying landmarks around the world, from England to Australia, Brazil, Italy, Japan and Egypt (I’m probably forgetting a couple). It’s kinda hilarious that Ian Ziering and Tara Reid are the stars of a franchise in the 2010s, and there are tons of cameos, my favorite being Bret Michaels as a Doof Warrior-type and Dolph Lundgren as [SPOILER]. The latter made it more obvious than ever that I’m going to watch the next movie! ]