I thought the original “Halloween” was overrated, the 2 or three cheapie sequels I’ve seen were even worse, and this new entry is still crap. If you compare the much publicized “H20” to, say, “Halloween 6”, you’ll see that the only differences between these two duds is that “H20” features well known actors. Basically, what makes this film almost impossible to watch is that it takes itself soooo seriously! Where’s Kevin Williamson when you need him? I’ve heard quotes from star Jamie Lee Curtis on Stern, and the woman is insane! She was talking about how important this new film was for her, how she invested herself completely in front and even behind the camera, yada yada yada. Hey, sweety, this is just a lousy slasher movie, not “The Godfather”!
I guess the only reason I’ll bother writing about the ridiculous plot is to point out how stupid, unoriginal and predictable he is. It starts with a more or less unrelated murder scene in which a kid gets stabbed. We then get into Curtis’ house, and we slowly learn through boring exposition dialogue that she faked her death and changed her identity after her brother Michael Myers tried to cut her up. You already know things don’t look good when you see the lame attempts to make a legit character out of a big-titted virgin baby-sitter. Oh, Curtis is divorced, oh, she has nightmares, oh, she’s alcoholic.. I guess she’s pulling a Sarah Connor or something. The producers, obviously trying to cash on the Williamson phenomenon, decided to add a bunch of kids. We meet her son, played by Josh Hartnett with an ugly haircut, Michelle Williams, more annoying than ever, some cute brunette and another guy too wimpy to survive Myers’ first attack. And for some reason, the film also stars LL Cool J, who happens to be the security guard of the posh college where most of the action takes place. There’s also “Psycho”‘s Janet Leigh (Curtis’ mom) as her secretary, in a wink-wink nod which turns out to be pointless and boring. This film is so written it’s pathetic. You see every twist coming ten minutes in advance.
As for the direction, it might be even worse. You’d sure wish John Carpenter was still on board! The only thing they kept was his great score, but all of his style is gone. What you get is a shameless, unexciting film that thinks it can scare you with the cheapest, most unoriginal tricks in the book. There must be ten scenes in which someone jumps behind a friend with pounding music. As for the few slashing scenes, they’re also uninventive, predictable and dumb. Who are these characters? They really act foolishly, as if they actually wanted to die! And I’m sorry, but that Michael Myers, with his William Shatner mask and his big knife, what’s his problem? Can’t he get a life? Can’t he run instead of walking slowly to catch his victims? And why does he gets killed 75 times in each film and always survive? There’s honestly absolutely nothing that works in this film.